I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All the doctor said was why
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
