The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
