to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
