I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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