Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
