Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
