i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
