Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
