The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
