I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
