Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
