we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
