Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
