I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
two words...techno handjob
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
