??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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