Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
