Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
