If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
