you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
