She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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