I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
