Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
