he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
