My brain says no but my pants say off.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
