He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
