he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
