WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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