You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
