you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
