I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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