if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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