i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
