Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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