Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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