hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
