Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's blow job season.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I believe in your delicious
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
