he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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