is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
