We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
