we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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