mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
