Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
