Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
