erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
