someone get that fucking seahorse.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
