Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
