so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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