Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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