Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
