The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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