Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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