I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
