So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
