It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
